Out of shape men

  1. When you look down in the shower all you see is belly and the tip of your second toe.
  2. You have a 0% chance of putting on your shoes without sitting in a chair.
  3. You pull a hamstring going to get the mail.
  4. You’re legs rub together so much you’re not allowed to enter California for fear of starting fires.
  5. You have the only pair of D-cups that I don’t care to see.
  6. You contemplate hopping in one of those scooters every time you walk through the doors at Wal-Mart.
  7. Your idea of a “long run” is when the local gas station is out of cigarettes and you have to go across town to get a carton.
  8. Your knees left a suicide note on the bathroom counter.
  9. When you go over to your aunt’s house and sit on her cushioned toilet seat it sounds like a truck just let out its air brakes.
  10. You were passed at your last 5K by the 7 year old kid picking up the cones at the end of the race.