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10 Signs You’re Not in the Best Shape of Your Life
- When you look down in the shower all you see is belly and the tip of your second toe.
- You have a 0% chance of putting on your shoes without sitting in a chair.
- You pull a hamstring going to get the mail.
- You’re legs rub together so much you’re not allowed to enter California for fear of starting fires.
- You have the only pair of D-cups that I don’t care to see.
- You contemplate hopping in one of those scooters every time you walk through the doors at Wal-Mart.
- Your idea of a “long run” is when the local gas station is out of cigarettes and you have to go across town to get a carton.
- Your knees left a suicide note on the bathroom counter.
- When you go over to your aunt’s house and sit on her cushioned toilet seat it sounds like a truck just let out its air brakes.
- You were passed at your last 5K by the 7 year old kid picking up the cones at the end of the race.